All I want for Christmas is 50 Amazon reviews! And we're so close! Right now Woodwalker is sitting at exactly 45 reviews—it only needs five more! Amazon is perhaps the biggest influence in a book’s sales, and 50 reviews is sort of their threshold for determining whether a book has a decent following or not. If you’ve read Woodwalker, whether you loved it or wanted to gouge out your eyeballs with compass needles by the end, would you please consider leaving a brief, honest review? Just like last time, as incentive, I have a second wave of spoiler art ready to go live on my website once we hit that magic number. Additionally, I’ll publicly post my most recent painting, a rather dashing portrait of Valien Bluesmoke, King of the Silverwood. Reviews on other sites, like Goodreads, are more than welcome, as well. As always, thank you so much for your support, and happy holiday season! Update: Woohoo, you did it!Barely two hours after this post went live, Woodwalker received its 50th Amazon review! As promised, there are ten brand-new highly spoilery pieces up in the Spoiler Gallery (spoiler: there are spoilers involved, so don't click if you want to remain unspoiled of the spoilers). And here is your GQ-esque portrait of cunning Valien, also on display in my portfolio: Thank you again for your support and feedback. Please continue to leave reviews for the books you read, particularly by lesser-known authors--they are the best tool for a book's success!
0 Comments
Time for my second Friendsgiving query critique! When I saw this Viking-inspired middle grade query in the inbox, I nabbed it right away. Check it out: Dear (Agent), Thirteen-year-old Pippa is an impulsive Viking girl who spends tedious days caring for her beloved, sick aunt. She longs to be reunited with her father, who was whisked away by a malevolent cloud when she was six. All she remembers of him is that his beard smells like pine. Pippa and her older brother are stunned when their father sends them a warning to hide. Despite their efforts, the cloud returns—and this time it takes Pippa’s brother. The magic-wielding Bards on her island want Pippa to stay put--but she’s done with hiding. Pippa might be the cloud’s next victim. She fears for her brother, but Pippa’s no coward. Gutsy, armed with her father’s dagger, and determined to defeat the mysterious cloud—she vows to find her family. Pippa’s unlikely group of friends secretly commandeer a Viking longship. They brave ruffians and fickle oceans in the Scottish Hebrides while uncovering clues to find her missing brother. Desperate, Pippa trades away her voice for a spell to defeat the sinister cloud. She’s elated when her brother is nearly saved, until a close friend betrays her. Pippa realizes she may have traded her voice for nothing—and lost her brother in the process. LIKE A RICH JEWEL is a middle grade fantasy novel steeped in ninth century Norse and Celtic folklore. It is complete at 71,000 words. The novel can stand alone but has series potential. Thank you for your time and consideration. Best Regards, (Author) (Author’s contact info) As with my previous critique, this is already a relatively good letter. It’s clear you did your research on what to include. As it stands right now, it feels a little stretched to me, like you have too much of the story included with not enough details about each event. In fact, I think you could end the pitch after your third paragraph, beef up the details provided, and have an even stronger query. Here are some thoughts:
Dear (Agent), Thirteen-year-old Pippa is an impulsive Viking girl who spends tedious days caring for her beloved, sick aunt. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with this opening line, it doesn’t hook me. Try to rework it into what she wants. “Thirteen-year-old Pippa longs to journey into the treacherous Scottish Hebrides to find her long-lost father. Instead, she is forced to stay home and care for her beloved, sick aunt.” She longs to be reunited with her father, who was whisked away by a malevolent cloud when she was six. The whuhh…? We need a little more information about this cloud up front. Does she know what the cloud is or what evil force is behind it? Is there folklore in her village that explains it? I’d spend a few more words on setting up what this cloud is and why it’s so dangerous. All she remembers of him is that his beard smells like pine. Meh, you can probably take this line out and put more emphasis on the rogue cloud. Pippa and her older brother are stunned when their father sends them a warning to hide. Again, we need a little more information here. She hasn’t been able to find him for years, but he can send a message to them? Is he magic? Beef this up a little. “Pippa and her older brother (you can name the brother here, if he’s a main character) are one day stunned to hear their father’s voice coming out of his old sparkly Barbiemobile, which they thought had fallen silent forever. It gave them a warning—tell the village to hide up in the Cave of the Wandering Dingbats, or else fall prey to the evil cloud. Despite their efforts… (etc)” Despite their efforts, the cloud returns—and this time it takes Pippa’s brother. The magic-wielding Bards on her island want Pippa to stay put--but she’s done with hiding. This is good—it tells us what forces are working against Pippa. Pippa might be the cloud’s next victim. She fears for her brother, but Pippa’s no coward. Gutsy, armed with her father’s dagger, and determined to defeat the mysterious cloud—she vows to find her family. Like I said, I’d end the pitch here with a more solidified idea of the stakes. Because we don’t know much about the cloud beyond that it takes people, it’s hard to say exactly what risk Pippa’s taking. Family bonds are a good universal concept that everyone can relate to, but I think you can punch it up a little more. If the cloud isn’t stopped, will it just keep taking people from her village? Will it spread, or grow stronger? Leave us with a sense that the problem has stakes beyond just her family (even though that’s important). Pippa’s unlikely group of friends secretly commandeer a Viking longship. They brave ruffians and fickle oceans in the Scottish Hebrides while uncovering clues to find her missing brother. Desperate, Pippa trades away her voice for a spell to defeat the sinister cloud. She’s elated when her brother is nearly saved, until a close friend betrays her. Pippa realizes she may have traded her voice for nothing—and lost her brother in the process. LIKE A RICH JEWEL is a middle grade fantasy novel steeped in ninth century Norse and Celtic folklore. It is complete at 71,000 words. The novel can stand alone but has series potential. Excellent. This is where you would put comp titles, if you have them. “Readers of (A Book, by An Author) will enjoy the Vikings and clouds and Barbiemobiles.” Most queries will have a brief bio of the author at this point. Even if you don’t have writing credentials, it’s a good idea to give the agent a little idea of who you are. “I am a Barbiemobile assembly manager and lead bodhran player in my Celtic rock group, the Scurvy Thistlepunchers.” Thank you for your time and consideration. Best Regards, (Author) (Author’s contact info) Good letter. Cut it down and punch up the rest to really make it stand out. Thanks for sharing, and good luck querying! Don't forget to join us on Twitter this coming Friday (December 2) at 4 PM and 8 PM for a chat about writing, querying, and publishing! Bring yer tough questions and keep an eye on #FFChat. For the other Friendsgiving Feedback critiques, see: Michelle Hauck, author of GRUDGING and FAITHFUL Laura Heffernan, author of AMERICA'S NEXT REALITY STAR Liana Brooks, author of HEROES AND VILLAINS series Sarah Remy, author of THE BONE CAVE Happy Thanksgiving to all near and far! Today I am thankful for authors and artists working to make the world a better place, and for the opportunity to critique a fun and unique spin on the jinni-in-the-bottle story! Here is the original query: When Zahara, a young and not-so-terrifying Jinn from an ancient and evil family, is conjured up by a hapless but well-meaning New Yorker, she finds herself thrust into a battle to save the world from one fallen angel…and save her heart from another. Complete at 90,000 words, SUMMONING ZAHARA is an adult fantasy novel for readers of Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files and Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles. Zahara has high expectations for any sorcerer brave enough to summon her to do his nefarious bidding, and Daniel Goldstein succeeds in satisfying exactly none of them. She needs to trick a human into giving up his soul to impress her infamously evil mother. He's dealing with a recent break-up with his boyfriend and his Jewish grandmother's ghost. His bubbe has reached out from beyond the grave to tell him to raise a mighty Jinn to stop two fallen angels. The nymphomaniacal, shopping-obsessed Zahara isn’t exactly the otherworldly ally Daniel had in mind. A not-so-evil sorcerer who wants to do good wasn't what Zahara was looking for, either. Stuck in a magical contract with each other, the two travel to Morocco, where Zahara’s handsome friend Zaid, a Jinn who's converted to Islam, reluctantly joins their quest. As Daniel and Zaid struggle against paranormal mercenaries, bumbling terrorists and their attraction to one other, Zahara is forced to join forces with the fallen angel's gorgeous but infuriating brother to stop a plot to throw the human and Jinn worlds into a cataclysmic war. A neurosurgeon by day, I blog about Middle Eastern mythology at (website URL). Unlike my protagonist, I can't pop over to Morocco in a swirl of pink brimstone and fire when I feel like it, but my vacations there have given me some wonderful inspiration for my novel. So, right off, I’ll say that this is already a good query letter. You’ve clearly done your research on what details to include and not include, and you convey the tone and setup of your story very well. Not only does this bode well for your letter, it says good things about your manuscript, too. I think with just a little bit of clarity and polish, you’ll have a really strong letter than will hopefully catch an agent’s eye. When Zahara, a young and not-so-terrifying Jinn from an ancient and evil family, is conjured up by a hapless but well-meaning New Yorker, she finds herself thrust into a battle to save the world from one fallen angel…and save her heart from another. This is a good "elevator pitch" for your book, but it's not needed in your query unless an agent specifically asks for it. Three main sections are generally sufficient: the hook, the book, and the cook. Basically, introduce your main characters and the stakes of your novel, then provide details like word count and genre, and then give a little relevant info about yourself. Complete at 90,000 words, SUMMONING ZAHARA is an adult fantasy novel for readers of Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files and Kevin Hearne’s Iron Druid Chronicles. This is tough because it’s such a subjective thing, but it’s often best to jump into the stakes of your novel and leave the nuts and bolts for the end. Now, I know there are some agents who say the opposite, so don’t feel like you have to hold fast and true to this. And certainly, if an agent has a specific format they provide, follow that. But you have a really strong opening sentence below, and I think you may be better off starting with that. Additionally, I'd break down and re-word this section. Consider: SUMMONING ZAHARA is a 90,000-word epic fantasy. Fans of Jim Butcher's THE DRESDEN FILES will enjoy x (insert what would appeal to them, and do the same for Hearne). Also, keep your book title formatting parallel---either do all caps or italics, but not both. Zahara has high expectations for any sorcerer brave enough to summon her to do his nefarious bidding, and Daniel Goldstein succeeds in satisfying exactly none of them. Like I said above, this is a strong sentence, and I would start with it. It introduces the tone, main characters, and main conflict right off the bat. However, I think it would benefit from being shorter and more concise. You can do this by splitting it into two sentences, and giving me a different transition than "and." Try: ...to do his nefarious bidding. Unfortunately, Daniel Goldstein succeeds... She needs to trick a human into giving up his soul to impress her infamously evil mother. The main thing I tripped over here was the switch in motive. The previous sentence led me to think you would tell me why Daniel is unsatisfactory. I would answer that question first before switching to her motivation. Additionally, you've given me part of the stakes here, but not all of them. Why does she need to impress her mother? Is there something her mother has that she wants, like her goodwill or special powers? What's at stake for Zahara? He's dealing with a recent break-up with his boyfriend and his Jewish grandmother's ghost. I first read this as him breaking up with his boyfriend AND his grandmother's ghost. Remember agents are often reading quickly, and you don't want them to have to do a double-take. I'd get rid of the mention of his boyfriend---you allude to his sexual orientation in the next paragraph, so unless his breakup is part of the reason Zahara finds him unacceptable, it's probably not needed here. Also consider adding punchier language than "dealing with." Is this a normal occurrence for him? Is it surprising, or inconvenient, or tormenting? Making your word choice just a little more colorful can convey more of his situation without adding to your word count. His bubbe has reached out from beyond the grave to tell him to raise a mighty Jinn to stop two fallen angels. From doing what? Clearly it's something evil and significant---give us a better idea of the stakes. The nymphomaniacal, shopping-obsessed Zahara isn’t exactly the otherworldly ally Daniel had in mind. I'm a little confused as to how you're portraying Jinn. Having Daniel "raise" a Jinn makes me think of the classic jinni slumbering for thousands of years, but "shopping-obsessed" makes me think they live average, daily lives like humans. A not-so-evil sorcerer who wants to do good wasn't what Zahara was looking for, either. This is where you might put the sentence about what's at stake for Zahara. Stuck in a magical contract with each other, the two travel to Morocco, where Zahara’s handsome friend Zaid, a Jinn who's converted to Islam, reluctantly joins their quest. The conversion to Islam also confuses me in terms of what your Jinn are and what they do. Practicing organized religion seems so pedestrian for a mighty Jinn. Giving us a peek into your worldbuilding might help---is this just a world where Jinn and sorcerers and ghosts are ordinary beings that live ordinary daily lives? As Daniel and Zaid struggle against paranormal mercenaries, bumbling terrorists and their attraction to one other, Zahara is forced to join forces with the fallen angel's gorgeous but infuriating brother to stop a plot to throw the human and Jinn worlds into a cataclysmic war. Okay, we got a little scrambled here. I thought Zahara had been raised to stop the angels? Even if there's a bait-and-switch in the story, it might be too much to introduce in your query. Remember, you just need to entice an agent to request pages. At the very least, I'd split this sentence into two. Also, is this a multiple POV story? You haven't mentioned that it is, but you're putting equal emphasis on both Zahara and Daniel, including setting up a romantic arc for him and another character, which tells me he's a joint protagonist. However, your title only mentions Zahara, and below you mention just one protagonist. If this is primarily Zahara's story, put more focus on what's at stake for her, particularly in this paragraph. What does she want, and what's stopping her from getting it? What good thing will happen if she succeeds? What bad thing will happen if she fails? On the other hand, if it's not just her story, make sure to mention it's multiple POV. This is where I'd put the "book" paragraph: title, word count, genre, and comps. A neurosurgeon by day, I blog about Middle Eastern mythology at (website URL). Unlike my protagonist, I can't pop over to Morocco in a swirl of pink brimstone and fire when I feel like it, but my vacations there have given me some wonderful inspiration for my novel. This is a great little bio section---it gives your relevant background and strengthens your voice without being too wordy. Thank you for your time and consideration, Exactly the right closing for a query letter. Well done! I realize that looks and sounds like a lot of edits, but like I said, I think you're almost there. Give us a more concrete idea of what your protagonist (or protagonists) want and what the implications of their actions are. Solidify your world just a little bit more to give us a sense of tone and scope. Overall, excellent job! Thanks for offering your letter for critique, and good luck querying! For the other Friendsgiving Feedback critiques up to this point, see: Michelle Hauck, author of GRUDGING and FAITHFUL Laura Heffernan, author of AMERICA'S NEXT REALITY STAR Liana Brooks, author of HEROES AND VILLAINS series Among so much bad news, we are all in need of a ray of light. I figured the least I could do is put together a short critique workshop to raise spirits and maybe help some writers. So a small group of five published authors has come together to offer query critiques for the next two weeks to culminate in a twitter chat about querying, publishing, and just any questions we might be able to help you with. We will do a query critique every day starting on November 21st and plan to give first priority to marginalized writers, "own voices" stories, and stories with diverse characters, worlds, and challenges. Your manuscript does not have to be completed. You just need a completed query letter. A large group of winners will be randomly drawn from the rafflecopter and their query letters requested. Then each of our participating authors will choose from the available entries and post their critique on their blog or on mine along with their feedback. Hopefully we can all learn more about the writing process from the breakdowns of these query letters! Our twitter chats will be December 2nd, the first at 4:00 pm EST, and the second at 8:00 pm EST under the hashtag #FFChat. Each will last an hour. We'd love for you to post some questions ahead of time down in the comment section. There's not much time so enter the rafflecopter quickly. And please help us spread the word under #FFChat. Links to the finished critiques will be given under that hashtag also. Here is who we are:
Emily B. Martin
Park ranger by summer, stay-at-home mom the rest of the year, Emily B. Martin is also a freelance artist and illustrator. An avid hiker and explorer, her experiences as a ranger helped inform the character of Mae and the world of Woodwalker. When not patrolling places like Yellowstone, the Great Smoky Mountains, or Philmont Scout Ranch, she lives in South Carolina with her husband, Will, and two daughters, Lucy and Amelia.Blog Twitter
Liana Brooks
Liana Brooks writes science fiction and sci-fi romance for people who like fast ships, big guns, witty one-liners, and happy endings. She lives in Alaska with her husband, four kids, and giant mastiff puppy. When she isn’t writing she enjoys hiking the Chugach Range, climbing glaciers, and watching whales.
![]()
Laura Heffernan
Laura Heffernan is living proof that watching too much TV can pay off: AMERICA'S NEXT REALITY STAR, the first book in the REALITY STAR series, is coming from Kensington’s Lyrical Press in March 2017. When not watching total strangers participate in arranged marriages, drag racing queens, or cooking competitions, Laura enjoys travel, baking, board games, helping with writing contests, and seeking new experiences. She lives in the northeast with her amazing husband and two furry little beasts.
Some of Laura's favorite things include goat cheese, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Battlestar Galactica, the Oxford comma, and ice cream. Not all together. The best place to find her is usually on Twitter, where she spends far too much time tweeting about writing, Canadian chocolate, and reality TV. Follow her @LH_Writes. Laura is represented by Michelle Richter at Fuse Literary.
Sarah Remy
In 1994 Sarah Remy earned a BA in English Literature and Creative Writing from Pomona College in California. Since then she’s been employed as a receptionist at a high-powered brokerage firm, managed a boutique bookstore, read television scripts for a small production company, and, more recently, worked playground duty at the local elementary school.
When she’s not taking the service industry by storm, she’s writing fantasy and science fiction. Sarah likes her fantasy worlds gritty, her characters diverse and fallible, and she doesn’t believe every protagonist deserves a happy ending.
Before joining the Harper Voyager family, she published with EDGE, Reuts, and Madison Place Press.
Sarah lives in Washington State with plenty of animals and people, both. In her limited spare time she rides horses, rehabs her old home, and supervises a chaotic household. She can talk to you endlessly about Sherlock Holmes, World of Warcraft, and backyard chicken husbandry, and she’s been a member of one of Robin Hobb’s longest-running online fan clubs since 2002.
Find Sarah on Twitter @sarahremywrites and her Blog
Michelle Hauck
Michelle Hauck lives in the bustling metropolis of northern Indiana with her hubby and two kids in college. Besides working with special needs children by day, she writes all sorts of fantasy, giving her imagination free range. A book worm, she passes up the darker vices in favor of chocolate and looks for any excuse to reward herself. Bio finished? Time for a sweet snack.
She is a co-host of the yearly contests Query Kombat and Nightmare on Query Street, and Sun versus Snow. Her Birth of Saints trilogy from Harper Voyager starts with Grudging and Faithful. She's repped by Marisa Corvisiero of Corvisiero Literary. Twitter Facebook page "What else did you bring?" I asked. "Tell me you brought something besides traveling tunics.” Mae glared at me. “In case you’d forgotten, we left the Silverwood in a bit of a hurry after a night of no sleep. I packed for battle, not tea and cookies.” “Rivers to the sea.” I pushed back my chair and stood. “You’ll have to borrow something of mine.” “Impossible.” “Why?” “Three reasons.” She pointed to her breasts. “One. Two.” She slapped her hips. “Three. And you’d have to hem about a foot off the bottom.” I went to my trunk. “We’ll make it work.” “Never.” “You doubt my sewing skills.” “I do. You’re not a miracle worker. Just let me wear my uniform.” “I saw it when we met with Atria. The knees are filthy. Tell me, what color is the cleanest pair of breeches you brought?” She sighed and propped her boots up on the end of her bunk. “Probably brown. Most of them are brown.” “Do you have gray?” “No, I don’t have gray. What does it matter?” “Brown’s a bad color for you. Muddies you.” She fanned herself in mock distress. “Oh, you cruel thing. To think I’ve gone this far in life not knowing…” I pulled out the richest color I had brought, a midnight blue gown with a square neckline. “You should consider wearing reds, or pastels.” “Pastels?” She spit the word out as if it tasted bad. “Something other than olive drab and brown.” “Maybe I’ll just go naked, so Celeno’s not offended,” she said vehemently. “And don’t slam green—it’s the color of our banner.” “Then let it stay on the banner. Get up,” I said, dragging a chair into the middle of the floor. “Let’s get to work.” “I thought we were supposed to be talking about something practical?” she said. “On the chair.” -Ashes to Fire One of my favorite exchanges between Mae and Mona in Ashes to Fire! I really love how the relationship between these two grows and changes through the two books. After the events of Woodwalker, they're able to appreciate and trust the other a lot more, leading to some great dialogue and action between them.
Ashes to Fire releases as an e-book on January 31, 2017! The paperback will follow a few weeks later. You can pre-order the e-book through HarperCollins for just $3.99. |
Emily B. MartinAuthor and Illustrator Archives
August 2020
Categories
All
|